I'm not really sure if you guys will get any insight from this article, but all the same, read it and tell me what you think. ^___^;;
Hidden in the Darkness
A collection of the short, ungainly remembrances of past occurences
~When Once I Had "Love"
My mind holds too many strange thoughts and feelings. Nightmare after nightmare has taken me and no longer can I distinguish what is real and what I have seen only in sleep. Just one sensation is true for certain, though I had such a trial finding it. I searched all through the dark and deadened regions of my mind until finally I realized I had been looking in the wrong place. The memory was buried deep within my stone heart in an area kept soft and hidden over the years. It was vague, but I tried as well as I knew how to recapture it.
I remember a warm body from which emanated undying love. I can still feel the gentle hands about me, in my hair one moment and embracing me the next. This person I have known all my life, though somehow I had forgotten. The only one I have truly loved, but far too soon the warmth disippated and the body became cold. Cold not with hatred as I know possess, but instead with death. I may as well have left the corpse and taken to wrapping myself around streetlight poles. Everything I had consisted of nothing more than the clothes on my back and the cadaver beside me which I clung to ferociously each time someone would pass. They, however, were always a part of the well-fed and respected, and those kinds of people never threw so much as a glance at the misfortunate souls reposing in the streets and back alleys.
Enternity seemed to have me bound to that lonely corner. Days of forever with nights longer still, and not once did I move. I retained a firm hold on the adjacent body as if letting go would ensure my demise. I did all within my minimal amount of power but death eventually came, though not in the form I had expected. Not long had my first and only love left me when a shadow blacker than ever I have been came to my side and pulled me from her. The curious tone of his voice overwhelmed me. The manner in which he took me to his side, referring to me as his son, his boy, numbed my heart and all its emotions. I never once allowed my face to fall wet nor my body to reach for hers as they took her off and set her cold meat in flames. All I could comprehend after that were the wicked hands on my shoulders, the unnerving voice of that man escorting me to the abbey...
~Dismay
I recall that night I had stolen away to a dark, secluded room, bringing with me the danger of unmade decisions. Slowly as I sat to keep up inventory I felt myself touch the corner of a long forgotten bookshelf, and upon it a wide volume with faded and torn covering. I assume it safe to say a lack in day-to-day change drove me to remove it from its hold and wash away the grayish coating, but once I had my heart fell inside me and my breaths were quieted. I felt myself rot, now outside to match what was within. To see the intersecting bars just beneath the prestigious title of that sacred piece haunted me. But perhaps, I thought, I hold no traces of sacrilege.
Fearful was my soul as I laid blood-stained hands to the pages and scanned the printed word. Nothing appeared familiar to me, let alone sparked excitement, but one line in particular caught my attention. It read, "Thou shalt not kill."
Hurriedly I shut the cover and threw it all back where I had found it. Grabbing my dagger and sack of belongings, I rushed from the room, taking care not to rouse Grandfather's attention to me. I made way to my chamber, sweat pouring out me by the time I had made it. I let all I carried fall to the floor as I rushed to the bathroom and illuminated the lights above. A strong force surged deep in me and I did not recognize what I saw. The image in the mirror, that horrified embodiment with glossy, deathlike eyes staring into mine was indeed me, and I was as pale as the walls.
~Sworn to Infidelity
Every night after that first I returned to the library. Somehow I knew exactly where it was the second time despite the lack of light, but darkness has always been a companion of mine.
I would hide myself there in a corner dripping with dust and age, the only objects with me consisting of a candle and that book. It haunted me, but no longer was I afraid. I read over its rules. There were ten, and strangely enough they made sense in my mind, though I could not abide by any seeing as I had broken some. In that book, murder and stealing were horrible crimes and I had committed myself to both. Nevertheless I read on and learned of all the importances in life, all those things I did not understand. I was told of the friendships I should keep. I was bade to love the father and mother I do not have. Perplexing me the most, however, were the stories.
How a man could walk among the common and heal the whole of them was an unreal fact I could not grab onto, though I could see it all in my mind. His power to break but one piece of bread and make many to sustain thousands was surreal. I struggled inside myself to understand. Though the stories had ficticious themes, a part of me wished to believe. Someplace within the less often used and still immaculate regions of my heart I knew for certain what I read was the truth.
Sadly, my endeavor was not lived long. Within days of my first night in the library, Grandfather caught sight of what I had begun and took me up to be lashed. The book was thrown to the fireplace. I watched it burn as the whip struck my flesh, and though the welts stung, my heart hurt much worse.
