Worry means to feel uneasy or concerned about something.
Why did I bring up that definition? That's because it's been the pinnacle of my thoughts these past few days. Let me elaborate.
*clears throat*
Now would be the best time for me to explain why my name here on blogger is Travis Nathan. A pseudonym at first glance, I know. But there's more to the story of why it is as it is. You see, virtually speaking, I belong to a little family comprised of my advisors throughout the time when problems arose and third parties insisted on breaking Kai and I apart. Although one of them turned out to be an antagonist at one point, ultimately he's turned a new leaf and returned to his usual post on the good side of the force.
These advisors of mine were more than willing to be considered my two fathers at one point. I'll codename them Daddeh Owl and Daddeh Burr, as I usually call them whenever we chat. (Note that Daddeh Owl is the one who was the antagonist at one point)
Daddeh Owl was actually the first I considered to be my father. and Daddeh Burr, at the time was the 'mother' (You'd be imagining Ouran High School Host Club at this point). In the context of a typical family setting, I was considered a son because I was with Kai. And for that, I donned the name Travis to make things more appropriate. When this whole naming system caught on, Kai's virtual parents (more advisors of ours) had christened her the name Kaira Sophia. In light of that, I inquired to my own virtual parents my second name. After deliberation between the two, my name stood as thus: Travis Nathan.
Travis, meaning 'crossroads' and Nathan, meaning 'gift from God'.
In this virtual family I found myself in, I realized that I was shedding tears time and again over one issue or another in the confines of my room with my laptop on and the screen displaying various IM windows where we would be chatting. At other times, I felt incredibly moved or inching back in disbelief at the things that would be said.
Daddeh Owl had taken the effort of telling me a handful of bedtime stories that I still keep stored in my USB (Yes, this is the same guy I mentioned in my very first post here), so I felt the genuine efforts he put into those stories.
As time passed, complications arose. I won't go into elaborating all that anymore since it's something I hate to dwell back on as much as I'm able to. In the time when Daddeh Owl was playing antagonist my 'mother' become my father, and thus spawned Daddeh Burr. While Daddeh Owl thought it amusing to call me sport, Daddeh Burr was much more creative and began giving me several nicknames which differed from time to time. Bebeh burr, Bebeh puppeh burr and so on and so forth. The list goes on and on.
The methods Daddeh Burr had used on me to get me to tell him what the problem was was unorthodox but effective. Since it had a hint of sarcasm, underneath was a layer of seriousness in the action of a simple bath. I'd become a puppy in his hands and forced to take a bath against my will until I had told him whatever it was I was brooding over.
Daddeh Burr was online more often since then to chat with me just as Daddeh Owl was before his antagonist reign. And just as Daddeh Owl's usage of '^______________^' rubbed off on me, so did Daddeh Burr's misspellings during chats and usage of 'Woooooooooo' rubbed off on me as well.
And then recently, Daddeh Owl returned to his usual fatherly self since he apparently had a mild case of split personality that was the cause of the antagonist issue. And so I returned to having both virtual parents back as both my fathers. While the two had some issues before, they had decided to start anew and become friends again.
With that whole introduction over, I can shift to why I talk about 'worry' in this entry.
The simple fact that they came online often on a nightly basis during those times signified that they cared. And the fact that they took their time trying to understand and help me with my problems was because they were worried. There was a lingering feeling of fatherly love.
Realistically speaking, I've never seen them in person unless it was a true coincidence that we crossed each other's paths, especially in the early part of this year towards the end of last school year. And that was what I had been brooding about. A shallow reason as it may seem, the wish of meeting these two among anybody else is very strong.
Whenever I change moods, it's easily detected in the manner in which I respond during chats. And whenever I'm brooding, I become monotone in my responses. Not unfamiliar with how I am, Kai, Daddeh Burr and Daddeh Owl, and even a few of my other friends share the same worry of me. Because of that, I'm grateful. And because of this incident, I'm reminded that worry isn't something that's loosely spread around and felt by just anyone. Only people who care take their time to worry about you. And those are the people you should hold most dear to you.
To the people concerned:
For the concern you all showed for me, I'm truly grateful.
For any depressions I've caused, I apologize.
Know one thing, though: Because we are bonded by fate, I can continue believing in you all who give me love, care and support amidst anything and everything I struggle through. So thank you very much.
