Appreciate life and the people around you

I have always believed that we should appreciate whatever life throws at us. However, there is always a limitation to such appreciation. The only reason I say so is because I understand that there are people who meet so much misfortune in their day-to-day lives. Another reason why I say so is because there will be people you'll encounter who'll willingly play a devil's advocate in your life and, quite bluntly, give you hell.

Sure life will be overly difficult to get by with your mind practically preoccupied worrying over how to get through the day, but that doesn't mean you need to throw everything away and give up just like that. Don't let this be a setback to living your life the way you want to try and live it. Don't throw it away. Don't waste it, either. You only have one life, so live it to its fullest.

"Carpe Diem. I hope you could apply it in your life which means SEIZE THE DAY! Live each day as if it were your last. Make ordinary things extraordinary. That's the secret in making a difference in your life Strive to be the BEST taht you can BE!" (quoted from my 5th grade teacher back in 2002)

Our lives are unpredictable for us; anything can happen, and anyone can intervene. The best we can do is to enjoy what we can, and if we're lucky, bask in it for as long as we could. To love somebody is a testament; committing to be with someone is something far beyond that. If and when we get unlucky, we need to remember that we're not alone; that there will be people who'll always be there, holding your hand and won't let go.

Because c'mon, nobody should be living a life without being able to trust somebody. With the millions of people living in our world today, there's bound to be someone who cares enough to look after you even if you think that everybody is against you. We just need to learn how to open your eyes and spot them amidst the crowd.

Eye Opener

This thing called reality can catch you off-guard to the point of making things so surreal unfold... happen right before your very eyes.... or behind your back (figuratively so). Before I head to bed, I just want to get this out of my head so I'll have less things to worry myself over for the weekend.

Reality bites. We hear that time and again but who exactly would know the true meaning to that? The answer of course would be the people who've gone through so much misfortune in their lives to belittle themselves because they just can't see logic around it anymore. I'm not saying I'm one of these unfortunate people, but I will say I know of someone.

I've learned that there are people in this world who are capable of causing so much pain and deception... all because they want to make life miserable for the people they choose. It's a pain that the person you've placed so much trust in and shared seemingly good times with turn out to be nothing more than liars. I'm agitated that I had to find that out in the harshest way possible. Compare it to a bomb exploding with you upon contact as it's been dropped overhead. Everything you believed in was instantly blown into pieces; shattered and irreparable. The overwhelming idea of things as they're bluntly presented to you suddenly becomes the hardest thing to bear emotionally.

I go back to what I mentioned at the beginning of this blog; that the real world presents events so surreal that you just wish that you really were just dreaming it all up. Things that are most unlikely to happen happened, and I still am dropping my jaw in quiet disbelief that THIS was my reality. That THIS was what the situation was and that THIS all happened. Quite a number of things have happened to myself and my girlfriend that would only happen in the framework of stories, roleplay, fanfictions and drama/soap opera shows.

I've realized long ago that my relationship wasn't exactly what you'd call 'normal', but I'm quite convinced that the reciprocation of love is what should define a true relationship. In another context, the relationship I'm in isn't normal in the simple truth that we've been through sooooo much more than any couple should ever want to experience. We've dealt with a number of 'enemies' who try to break us apart and many times we've come so close to it, but we manage to stay together because of so many other factors that I'm all but grateful.

Whether or not we exemplify ourselves as a couple who's gone through much hardship and still be together is not for us to proclaim or gloat about. Our problems - as heavy as they've come - may not compare all too much with quarrels between couples over the simplest of things or the semi-serious problems that come their way, but they were problems that we had to face, experience and get over.

For the sake of confidentiality I will not put into detail what's happened thus far, but only assure you all that it really is too surreal to put into words. Too much emotional breakdowns cleverly hidden behind fake smiles and isolation has been the result of such experiences. I don't want anybody else to go through anything similar to what we have, so I'll end this with a piece of advice to those who are currently in relationships (of course, I'm no expert when it comes to relationships): Love your partner unconditionally. Accept them for who and how they are. Letting them know that you care for them so much and that you'll always be there (in spirit, at least) will become the only thing that will keep your relationship together when it's on the brink of being lost. Give them constant reassurance; shower them with affectionate words and gestures. But most importantly, BELIEVE in what you have.

When faced with adversity, you'll be amazed to see how powerful true love is. ^__________^v

Again

I'll be quick with this one because it's something I feel should be shared. It's just interesting that the opening and ending songs of Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood could convey such deep messages within its lyrics... and both songs would be things I can refer to, actually.

YUI's song 'Again' was chosen for the opening to this anime series, but I'll be focusing on the English fandub of this song done by geekymckgeekstein from YouTube, whom I applaud. I'm actually trying to record it myself, but this is the trouble of trying to speak fast. Woo.

Actually, referring to this English translation of the song made me realize that this song can actually be applied to my girlfriend right about now. FMA is apparently giving me a sign of sorts.

I will pursue this dream, 'cause I know it's expected

that I be serene
Upon this winding road, in the face of the crowds that bustle all around
Although it seems like I am chasing after the past, what I want is a place where the sky is alive and like home to me
Please try to understand the truth
That this is no choice
And I wish you'd stop with that look
Of despair
You're giving me

Tears are nothing but the shape of our weakness
And they won't bring any absolution
I do not see an end to this labyrinth
Who am I waiting for--
And
I write it down in the pages of my notebook
'Cause I'm looking for the me that is still honest
I am running but I don't even know why
From this reality

To chase my wishes I'll carry on living
And I will always remember the depths of the darkness
I'll face my demons and I'll no longer run away
There isn't a place to go
I'll lose this feeling of being so helpless
'Cause my whole life is ahead of me
I'll quash the numbness
'Cause pain's better than the emptiness

I must apologize, I've really messed up and
I am so ashamed
I may not say it much,
But I know that I make you worry all the time

Back then you always could accept the things I'd done
And you're still the same today so I'll try not to burden you
But try to realize that I have closed my eyes
Just because the world is too harsh
And I'm willing to blind myself

Rumors that they have spread about us
I do not know which was the first one
"We were friends from the second that we met,"
Just stop with the lies already
And my heart turned red with this passion
And it almost consumed my very being
'Cause in truth I'd held onto hope
From this reality

To chase my wishes I'll carry on living
And I really want to scream out, but can you even hear me?
I'll face my demons, and I'll no longer run away
There isn't a place to go
I still am grateful for the care you've shown me
So I'll find the strength to make it count
I'll always move onward
Facing my friends and foes alike

How do you unlock this door that has no key?
Can you think of a way?

We can't go back to the beginning
The story is set, and our destinies too

Open up your eyes
Open up your eyes

I'll lose this feeling of being so helpless
'Cause my whole life is ahead of me
And the things I once abandoned
I want to try and find again

Come on, just one more time

To chase my wishes I'll carry on living
And I really want to scream out, but can you even hear me?
I'll face my demons, and I'll no longer run away
There isn't a place to go
I still am grateful for the care you've shown me
So I'll find the strength to make it count
I'll quash the numbness
'Cause pain's better than the emptiness

EDIT: She uploaded a second version of her fandub in its original key~

You

This is one song that transcends time for me. I was first exposed to Karen Carpenter's song 'You' when me and my cousins on my mother's side were tasked to learn and sing this for my maternal grandparents for their Golden Wedding Anniversary back in 2000. This same song resurfaced to mind during the funeral of my maternal grandmother 6 years later, coupled with free flowing tears.

I revive this song... simply because I want to continue giving reassurance to my girlfriend by use of this song that I deem so close to my heart.

You are the one who makes me happy

When everything else turns to gray

Yours is the voice that wakes me mornings

And sends me out into the day

You are the crowd that sits quiet list'ning to me

And all the mad sense I make

You are one of the few things worth remembering

And since it's all true, how could anyone mean more to me than you.

Sorry if sometimes I look past you

There's no one beyond your eyes

Inside my head the wheels are turning

Hey sometimes I'm not so wise

You are my heart and my soul, my inspiration

Just like the old love song goes

You are one of the few things worth remembering

And since it's all true, how could anyone mean more to me than you

You are my heart and my soul, my inspiration

Just like the old love song goes

You are one of the few things worth remembering...

And since it's all true, how could anyone mean more to me than you

Manga Reading

Currently, while still free from much required reading for the semester, I busy myself with reading a few manga series to get updated and satisfy my need for anime. Having had the patience to get through an entire series - provided that all chapters and volumes are readily available on OneManga.com - was a way I could better relate myself with it.

At times, however, I found myself reaching dead-ends, with still-publishing series on my Manga Currently Reading list (found here) and subjecting myself to reading through what's available and await the latest chapter release.

On the other hand, there are other series I want to get through that are already complete and just waiting to be read on OM, both as a way to better criticize the anime version and a way to grasp a better understanding of it altogether.

At present, I have finished two series: Prince of Tennis and Death Note. On my current reading list, I have a few series I'm awaiting the latest chapters of: New Prince of Tennis, Nodame Cantabile, Fullmetal Alchemist, Captain Tsubasa - Road to 2002 and Tantei Gakuen Q. I'll update my list (as I've begun regularly doing so) with more titles I plan to read in the future. I guess that'll be something to look forward to.

Rock Band

It all began with trying out Guitar Hero II on my cousin Dabz's PS2. Back then, we were still entertaining ourselves by using the standard analog shock controller. The songs grew on me and the techniques with playing with the controller became like second nature. Guitar Hero Encore: Rock the 80's was then acquired by Dabz and we later on got hooked to the songs from there as well. It wasn't until Jostin got a guitar controller did things change. A new challenge was set and it took quite a long time before I could easily get through a song in the Medium difficulty.

When my father had purchased the Wii for quite some time, my sister and I had asked him to purchase the (at the time) new Guitar Hero game, Guitar Hero III for said console. It wasn't long before I was immersing myself with it, trying to play songs on a higher difficulty until I managed to clear most songs on Hard, and some songs on Expert.

That hard work and experience of mine was what I took with me when I was invited for the first time by my blockmates back in my first year to try out a game of Rock Band at Blue Skies one day after classes with nothing else to do.

The experience was so much different. Besides the fact that I was playing with at most three other people, it was a completely different feeling. The essence of being part of a band to get through a song was just how one would want to feel when playing this kind of video game. It was exhilarating. I knew I wanted to experience it again.

Over time, we eventually formed a band with me on Guitar, Gabby on Drums, TC on Vocals and Lev on Bass and decided to join a few competitions: two of them organized by Ateneo orgs, while the other was a general RB Competition organized by an org in UPD in cooperation with XBX Interactive. The name of our band - POMSTARS - was all Lev's idea, and what was used for two out of three competitions.

The first competition was held in the Ateneo campus; the eliminations at one of the MVP org rooms and the finals at MVP Colayco Pavilion. At the time, we had a back-up vocalist - one of Lev's friends whose name escapes me - who helped us along when needed. We managed to get to the final round for the Medium difficulty (though we joined for the Hard difficulty and got knocked out) but due to one thing or another (which we figured was utilizing Overdrive to its fullest capability), lost.

The second competition was another Ateneo-based organization, which was held this time at someone's awesome house in La Vista. For this competition, the original band - me, Gabby, TC and Lev - attended, going with a different name that Lev also thought up: Night Shift. Only three bands had been competed for this (all students from Ateneo) and we ended up coming out on top quite easily and won gift certificatees for a gaming place in Greenhills.

The last competition we joined last school year was more general, where bands from Ateneo or UP joined. The eliminations were held at XBX Interactive, and the finals at Route 196. The whole experience of constant practicing and synchronizing with the rest of the band can never be summed up into so many words. But we had fun and that would be enough. We managed to place 3rd, and won gift certificates to Worlds of Fun.

The rewards are always secondary, as my father constantly told me as we awaited the results of that last competition. "Win or lose, it's all about having fun." And I couldn't agree more.

Uso (Lie)

For lack of anything else to blog about, I'll just share with you a song entitled Uso by SID, translated as 'Lie' in English. It's used as the 1st ending song of Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. Romaji and English lyrics are provided. For me, the message of the song is kind of nostalgic... I'm sure a few people here who know me well enough will know why I say so.

ano hi mita sora akane-iro no sora o nee kimi wa oboete imasu ka
yakusoku chigiri shoka no kaze ga tsutsumu futari yorisotta
Hey, do you remember the scarlet sky, the sky that you saw on that day?
Promises and vows; the early summer wind envelops us; the two of us came closer together

muri na egao no ura nobita kage o kakumau
dakara kizukanu furi saisei o erabu

Behind a forced smile, I harbor a grown shadow
So I pretend to not notice it and choose rebirth

teeburu no ue no furuenai shirase machitsuzukete
kuuhaku no yoru mo kuru hazu no nai asa mo zenbu wakattetan da
I keep waiting for a steady notice on the table
And I knew about everything, the blank nights and the mornings that shouldn’t come, too

ano hi mita sora akane-iro no sora o nee kimi wa wasureta no deshou
yakusoku chigiri shoka no kazi ni kieta futari modorenai

Hey, I wonder if you did forget about the scarlet sky, the sky that you saw on that day
Promises shred into pieces; the early summer wind vanished; the two of us can’t go back

oto mo iro mo ondo mo hanbun ni natta kono heya
kyou mo chirakashite wa yure tsukare nemuru
In this room where sounds, colors, and temperatures are cut in half
After I mess it up today, too, I stagger, grow tired, and fall asleep

jouzu ni damashite ne uso wa kirai de suki kimi no kotoba
imagoro ni natte kimochi wa itai hodo dakara bokura sayonara

“Deceive me well, okay? I hate yet love lies” were your words
Nowadays, our feelings are hurt, so we bid goodbye

itsuka mata ne to te o furiatta kedo mou au koto wa nai no deshou
saigo no uso wa yasashii uso deshita wasurenai
We waved our hands at each other, saying ‘See you again someday’, but we won’t meet anymore, right?
The final lie was a tender lie; I won’t forget about it

ano hi mita sora akane-iro no sora o nee itsuka omoidasu deshou
hatasenakatta yakusoku o idaite futari arukidasu

Hey, someday, will you recall the scarlet sky, the sky that you saw on that day?
Embracing broken promises, the two of us start walking

Ice Breaker

Based on personal experience, it only takes a couple of months or even less to get to know someone well enough to know what they imply by how they express themselves through chat. As time passes, you grow accustomed to their mannerisms and learn to read the tone of their words by the simple phrasing of them.

When someone excessively uses something like an emoticon or what not (like this grin, for example - ^___^) almost everyday, one would start to assume that it's just to reinforce the idea that they're fine and just have nothing to say and simply grin to pass the time by. That particular grin can be paired with a few letters or symbols to denote a few other things:

• ^__^ b - thumbs up
• ^__^ v - peace sign
• (b ^__^)b d(^__^ d) d(^__^)b - two thumbs up
• ^__^;; - anime style sweatdrops
• ^__^ !! - eureka moment
• ^__^# - anime style vein pop, shows anger
• (~ ^__^)~ ~(^__^ ~) ~(^__^)~ - waving arms happily (no actual interpretation; dependent on people involved)

Well, this is beside the point, of course. This was just for a little extra information on expressions. Haha.

My point is, that grin is a double edged sword for someone who excessively uses it. While others who don't get exposed to it on a daily basis will assume you're just grinning happily the whole time, others who DO get a daily exposure to it will start to grow suspicious and start piecing things together. What you say with words and using the expression such as that grin can contradict you every so often in their perspective and just not blatantly tell you so.

Four months of daily chat is enough for someone to quickly tell the difference without a flinch. What started as passing the grins off as simply grins developed into pinpointing the 'fake smile' from the real smile when partnered with phrases at particular points in time for that person.

People can be adept at this technique of figuring things out. Those who openly admit that they can do this will sometimes be blinded by the reality that they themselves are being read as well by the same people who they think are not as well-developed in using that technique of seeing through fake smiles.

One will come across many people in their lifetime; chat with so many, but end up forgetting most of them along the way. But there will be a select few who will grow to understand and offer to stay should they be allowed to. Don't betray the trust of these people. They who understand how one operates have a better chance of becoming one's long-time friends.

So.... to conclude. No matter how one acts and thinks - be it negative and demeaning - the people who truly understand them will not truly leave. The wrongdoings of one who doesn't care for others are overlooked by people who really care. But sometimes, one's stubbornness to commit to egocentrism will end up forcefully pushing these people away, and just end up all doom and gloom and hate things more than necessary.

One's happiness shouldn't come at the expense of ruining somebody else's happiness. It never should. Compensate for what can't be taken by taking hold of things that can be shared. Friendships are beautiful like that. Endless connections can be made and people in them should know the borderline of when to stop the intimacy with those who are in relationships. Respect the sanctity of the relationship they're in and yearn to keep a close, platonic friendship instead.

Second Year Begins continued

The second day of classes was once again tainted by the constant downpour of rain light and heavy throughout the day. 'Early morning' traffic is annoying as usual. Then again, I quote that as an understatement that 6:30 in the morning already piles up traffic every which way, especially within the UP Diliman campus, where a number of cars use it as a route to come out along Balara to get to Katipunan. Earlier with my parents, we were caught in moving traffic for about 30 minutes. It was already 7 o'clock and we were in front of Bocobo Hall inside UPD, and therefore we were all thankful that my class was at 7:30.

Well, I won't go on any further and rant about traffic, because I personally want to blame the construction of the road widening outside UPIS to be the cause of it, as well as the U-Turn placements along Katipunan. So yeah.

My T-Th classes, which, for once, is a completely different set of classes as I only have Math three times a day now (with it being 3 units as compared to my first year). I arrived at Kostka at around 7:20 for my FIL 14 (Panitikan ng Pilipinas) class, where me and my blockmates who took up basic Filipino last first semester in our first year (Vincent, Robert and Jaime) finally reunited with the rest of our blockmates for our final required Filipino class. Crestfallen that our professor didn't end up being any of our previous professors (specifically our FIL 11 professors), we instead will give in to this assignment of professors and try our best to get through the semester under Sir Alvin.

Immediately following this class (though we were dismissed early with it being the first day of classes) was TH 121 (An Introduction to Doing a Catholic Theology) one floor down in the second floor with Fr. Randy. Personally, I found him quite interesting and fondly reminded me of a mix of CL teachers I had back in Miriam, so I look forward to succeeding classes with him.

PS 21.1 (College Physics 1 Lab), after waiting patiently for 20 minutes after the class time with 6 of my other blockmates who shared lab sections with me, we declared it a free cut (as was the practice there) and headed off. So we're still a little clueless about who our professor was, and will just have to rely on Thursday for them to show up.

My prayer has been denied as the downpour of rain was unforgiving. I waited off the lunch break and got the car sticker of the school for my dad's car before heading home. Truly, June is the month of many days of epic failure in terms of weather.

Things are looking brighter in other aspects of my life, so the balance is quite welcome.

Second Year Begins

This is perhaps the first time in forever when I spend the night before the first day of classes thinking of something else besides all the possibilities of what the first day of a semester would bring. Normally I get a little case of insomnia and end up sleeping at least an hour after I've settled myself in bed, but last night was an exception, but ultimately not the focus of this blog entry, therefore shall leave things at that and move on.

The first day of classes this particular semester did not go as smoothly as I would imagine it, all because of the weather. But, in the long run, that would be the only rant I have of classes resuming on this particular day.

On the bright side, I got to meet my teachers for PE 104 (Badminton), PS 21 (College Physics 1 Lecture), AMC 124 (Discrete Math for Computer Science I) and CS 110 (Data Structures and Algorithms) today. Sir Vargas and and Sir Clint, my teachers for the first two respective subjects, seem to be quite the exciting type of professors who you would look forward to seeing their style of teaching. Both are my teachers for the first time, so I'd like to hope for an exhilarating semester with them. The latter two subjects for my M-W-F schedule brings me back under the wing of Sir Winfer and Mam Jess respectively, my previous professors from second semester. My Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays are sure to be filled with some level of anticipation for the first few weeks, I'm sure.

Along with the return to classes would be my return to block documentation. I admit my inactivity during summer classes with the camera (because I didn't bring it) has amounted to much laziness in pulling it out, so I shall use the coming days to regain that eagerness in taking more candid shots throughout the day.

Tomorrow, I'll be meeting my T-Th teachers for FIL 14, TH 121 and PS 21.1, all of which I hope to be up to par with the current line-up of teachers I have come to be under.

I only pray that rain will not pour down so heavily a second time.

Advert Inflatus

I believe it started in 7th grade when I had first formally learned about the basics of HTML coding did I have a little dream of designing my own website. I guess it paved the way for me to gain a bit of interest in taking up the course I'm currently in.

Throughout most of my high school life, I've been teaching myself HTML, and when I was blessed with it, consulted with friends who knew a lot more than myself to help me out along the way. After attending the CCS Summer Camp in DLSU last April 2007, I was able to meet a number of friends, many of whom I see around the Ateneo campus, others I chat with online.

But I won't get carried away with thinking back about those days. That would most probably have me making a more lengthly post about my experience then. For now, I want to focus on the website I managed to create.

I recall spending countless hours hardcoding the tags and the content. The layout, I had left to two of my friends who knew a bit of CSS that really helped me out. The hosting was where I had a bit of an edgy beginning. Regardless to say, I poured a lot of myself into filling up numerous pages of my website to the brim with various bits of light information except those that were too personal.

The only thing I would really want to focus on for this blog entry was the title I gave my website (and such a title is still reserved for that space on the web when I can develop that to its full extent). The title I chose to go with is Advert Inflatus, which roughly means to 'refer to inspiration'. Thinking back on it, the main thing i wanted to publicize on the web was mainly the poems I had come to write over these past few years. That was how everything came to be: INSPIRATION.

For me, to be inspired is the ability to give birth to something unique; to be inspired is the talent to overcome any hardship until there is only success; to be inspired is to be ignited by the flames of passion, pushing you to exceed your limits; to be inspired is to BELIEVE in something that will come to be.

^_______________^ v

Parties and Mahjong

To be honest, I don't think I've put complete attention to a party in a long time until last night's celebration of my parent's 25th Wedding Anniversary. It's not along the lines of my mother almost making me feel guilty of staying cooped up in my room in front of my laptop, mind you. I just thought of spending the time not having to worry over any conversations for the rest of the day.

As far back as I could remember, everytime there was a party here (with the exception of celebrations for my birthday, of course), I would always spend time here in my room with my younger cousins Dabz and Jostin and stay here doing our own thing until dinner time. But now that my youngest cousin and his family had migrated to Canada last August, there was barely anymore reason for Dabz and I stay upstairs in my room.

One firm reason why I managed to stay away from upstairs was because Dabz had brought along his PS2 that could only be hooked up downstairs in the den where the Wii was, so it was enough. Another reason that kept me downstairs was the constant arrival of the guests that consisted of the usual relatives plus a few family friends.

And then of course... there was mahjong. Call me crazy, but my family kind of has an unspoken 'rule' of sorts that says that you're not part of the family (both my mom and dad's side) if you don't know how to play even a simple game of mahjong. It was actually an awkward thing to see that the kids (that is, my generation) were the ones playing the game while the adults busied themselves chatting with one another, catching up on their lives. Believe me, you never see that.

Of course, mahjong can be addicting when it can be. Especially since we were all just playing it out of spite rather than with chips as the adults normally would. My sister's boyfriend, my brother's girlfriend and my cousin's girlfriend all managed to learn how to play and eventually enjoy it, so the next party should post to be an exciting event I would not want to miss by staying in front of my laptop anymore.

Another thing about this particular party is that after the longest time, the last guests had left at past midnight already due to numerous conversations and much catching up. I don't think I've ever spent that time completely away from the laptop, but it was a good change. Once in a while, it's nice to just spend the evening having fun with your relatives, which I'm very much thankful for.

PS. The second hole of Wii Golf in the Beginner's level has been conquered with my hole-in-one, which was executed by pure chance. ^_________^b

The Family Wii

Back in 2007 (if my memory serves me correctly), our father came home with this video game console after our constant pestering one afternoon coming home from the mall. We were intrigued with the Wii Sports the four of us (me, my brother, sister and father) got to try out at one of the toy stores and wanted to have one for the house.

Due to my father's constant trips to the United States back then, it was no surprise that he managed to purchase a console there for a better price and bring it home with him. The first few months since the Wii had been with us, everybody got out of their way to spend time together to play a few rounds of Bowling. Even our mother enjoyed it.

Perhaps among the family, it was I who grew most attached to it in those first few months, staying on longer in the den when everybody else had already retreated upstairs to their bedroom for the evening. I tired my arm out playing repetetive games of Bowling to best my own record in certain Training events provided with Wii Sports before I was satisfied enough to head to bed myself.

And without a doubt, I made some progress with my overtime, scoring a Platinum medal in the Bowling's Power Throws training among others that I have, until now, been unable to beat.

During our trip to the United States that same year in October, I purchased myself a Wii game of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which I played immediately when we arrived back home (but not before I tried it out on the Wii console of my cousins back in San Diego).

The summer of 2008 brought about more interesting tokens from my father on his return from Honolulu: my laptop Roy and Guitar Hero III for our Wii. I had asked for a laptop for my high school graduation + 18th birthday + Christmas (though my parents being loving parents, still spent for a proper 18th birthday celebration for me, and I love them to bits for that), and Guitar Hero III was something me and my sister have been prodding about once again.

The Wii, these days, is now used for mere entertainment to be used when having guests over. My 3-year old nephew, in particular, insists on playing with it whenever we have parties here in the house. On other occasions, me and my cousin, whenever he finds time to come over with nothing else to do, spend some time downstairs to play with the console.

Of course, that's not to say I've abandoned from playing with it on my own once in a while. I just need to find the energy to pull myself away from the laptop for a few hours to play a rousing game of tennis or bowling.

Which I just might do to properly end my summer vacation.

TeniMyu Post #1: Tezuka & Fuji

This will be the first of a few posts, the succeeding ones dependent on how I can quickly assess the rest of the cast members. So please bear with me for the time being.

------

So now that I think about it, I think it's time I sat down and gave my own take on how I appreciate the TeniMyu series. ^_^ So here goes~

To start, I applaud Ueshima Yukio-sensei's awesome work time and again with the past 18 musicals I've thoroughly watched and followed (at this certain point), and I owe him and the entire cast a lot for bringing this awesome anime to the musical stage. It really deserves all the praise, after all. ^_^

I'm sure that for every TeniMyu fan out there, they secretly have their own favorites (whether it be a sole actor, or a cast altogether). So I shall focus on the changing Seigaku cast, and give my take on my favorite/s among them. Sad to say, but I will not be commenting on the 5th cast members (though I shall mention them anyway) for the simple reason that I have yet to seen them on stage enough to share any insight on their performance.

EDIT: Good news. After watching three musicals with the 5th cast, I'm here to provide my insights on them now~ Weee.

(~ ^______^)~

TEZUKA KUNIMITSU

1st CastA: Takigawa Eiji

1st CastB: Ohkuchi Kengo

2nd Cast: Shirota Yuu

3rd Cast: Minami Keisuke

4th Cast: Watanabe Daisuke

5th Cast: Baba Ryouma

~~Personally, each Tezuka actor I've seen so far brings their own take on the stoic captain. ~

1Ca- Takigawa: I will admit that Tezuka was my favorite character in the series, so I had high expectations for whoever would be portraying the role in the musical. I first saw Takigawa in the first cast's performance of Dream Live 1st. And I will tell you that I simply fell in love. I had this deep sense of respect for Takigawa that he could pull off the role so well, regardless of the flaws he had when it came to singing (I will applaud his singing regardless! *pumps fist in the air*). I'm glad that he was cast into that role instead of Inui (who he originally auditioned for).

1Cb-Ohkuchi: His brief appearance in More Than Limit St. Rudolph Gakuen was enough for me to respect him simply as an actor. While I may never accept him as a 'Tezuka' per say, the only reason he earned my respect was when he sang the song 'Dream Maker' with Kimeru. Their blending was quite good, and I give him credit for achieving that much.

2C-Shirotan: I will admit that the moment I had seen Shirota Yuu take on Tezuka's role, I was simply blown away. I had watched the Live Action of Prince of Tennis movie long before I discovered the musicals, so when I did start watching the musicals faithfully, I seriously had to pause and shift from the musical to the movie to realize that the 2nd cast (save for Echizen's role) reprised their roles for the movie. Of course, the whole idea got me excited, since I got attracted to Shirota's portrayal. But the added factor that won my heart was his voice. *squeals in excited fangirl-mode* It was after I watched him take on this role did I start hunting down his other works (SeraMyu, Koshonin, Rookies, Heat Island, Team Batista no Eiko, etc.).

3C-Minami: About the time I was watching Advancement Match Rokkaku feat. Hyoutei (debut of the 3rd cast), I was a bit skeptical with Minami taking on the role. Perhaps I was too caught up in my wild fantasies of Takigawa and Shirota to accept anybody else to get the role. But Minami proved me wrong at some point when I was listening repeatedly to songs off TeniMyu. It had taken a while, but his voice (and his look) was enough for me to accept him in the long run. ^_^ Actually, it's funny how he resembles Tezuka when he was in 1st year. Haha. Yeah.

4C-Daisuke: This man taking on the role of Tezuka took me by surprise. When I first saw him in a clip of Dream Live 5th (singing Yomigaerishi Mono), my initial reaction was: "WHY IS TEZUKA FLYING AND WAVING?!?!?! D<" But sitting down and watching through Progressive Match Higa feat. Rikkai and Dream Live 5th in full gave me another impression on him: "OMG he looks EXACTLY like him!" When all those impressions of him died down, I took a while to contemplate how I was going to take this new Tezuka actor. Coming into Imperial Presence Hyoutei feat. Higa, Daisuke gave me a reason to forget about his flying act in DL5 and appreciate his 'Jimonjitou' solo, which I did thoroughly. Another Tezuka actor has shown his worth to take on the role just by singing an awesome song. ^_^

5C-Ryouma: To be honest, I think Baba Ryouma is the first one I know among the others who needed a wig to look the part. ^___^;; Ah, backstage footage. *snicker snicker* But anyway, when I got myself a copy of Imperial Presence Hyoutei feat. Higa (5B), I pretty much had high expectations from both the 5th cast members and Hyoutei B cast since my only basis of comparison would usually be the singing voice. I'll be honest to say that at some points I even begin to wonder how or why Ryouma got the part. ^_^;; But hey, I must say he improved with each musical. I had this slight tendency to compare him with Daisuke during the 'Jimonjitou' solo from the same musical, but then I realized that despite that, Ryouma just wants to create his own kind of Tezuka Kunimitsu that you should learn to appreciate. I'm looking forward to this guy's performance during the Rikkai musicals to come.

FUJI SYUUSUKE

1st Cast: Kimeru

2nd-3rd Cast: Aiba Hiroki

4th Cast: Furukawa Yuuta

5th Cast: Hashimoto Taito

1C-Kimeru: A J-Pop singer who's contributed so much to TeniPuri already now takes on the role of Fuji Syusuke. Height aside, Kimeru makes up for that with his impeccable singing. Kimeru truly captures the nature of Fuji on stage, which makes him perfect for the role. The admirable thing about Kimeru is that he listed himself as an understudy to Echizen's role, which he did for Remarkable 1st Match Fudomine after Yanagi's accident before returning to his role as Fuji when Endo was casted. Whether he played Echizen or Fuji, there is only one thing you have to consider: HE BELTED IT OUT!

2-3C-Aibacchi: The longest running actor to have taken the role. Aibacchi makes an appearance with the 5th cast in Imperial Presence Hyoutei feat. Higa before Taito finally took over the role. Aibacchi should be given credit for the way he's so flexible, and I think we have to thank his background as a street dancer (along with TAKUYA aka Jirou) for that. His singing isn't all that bad either! Having worked with 3 different casts over the course of his involvement with TeniMyu, it tells you that Aibacchi truly loves the whole production to offer his services.

4C-Furukawa: Another height issue to take into consideration (he's the TALLEST among the 4th cast!), Furukawa didn't sit too well with me the first time I saw him in Progressive Match Higa feat. Rikkai. Basically I left my judgement at that. But that quickly subsided when he sang 'Tennis to wa' with Ogasawara (4th Cast Kawamura for two musicals). His performance of 'Heavy Rain' during Imperial Presence Hyoutei feat. Higa completely turned it around for me. Furukawa continued to amaze with his wonderful take of the song 'Boku wa Kawaru' from Treasure Match Shitenhouji feat. Hyoutei. Fuji APPROVED!

5C-Taito: By far the youngest Fuji actor in all of Tenimyu history. The first time I really got to see him in action was during Treasure Match Shitenhouji feat. Hyoutei since Aiba had reprised his role in the previous musical. You've got to give the kid credit, though. After all, in that particular musical, Fuji had a major role, especially with the epic match between Fuji and Shiraishi. I would have to comment though that unlike the other Fuji actors before him ,Taito's still moving a little robotic at some points (referring to 'Boku wa Kawaru). Whether it was from anxiety or otherwise, I guess Taito really just needs time to adjust and evolve as an actor. He'd do quite well, I'm sure, so I really look forward to the Rikkai musicals to see how he improves.

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This will be it for the time being. My next post will focus on the Echizen and Momoshiro actors, so stay tuned for that!

^_______________^b

Sudoku

It just became a craze no matter how many times I try to look back on it. I remember tilting my head in confusion when I saw my older sister or my mother tackling a puzzle. The 9x9 grid printed on the pages of that book baffled me the first few times I cared to look at it. I didn't understand what the objective of that was, and just stuck to the Fill-Ins my grandmother would so often urge me to do.

One afternoon, my mother came into my room and sat down on the bed beside me and was doing a Sudoku puzzle and later on, started telling me what was needed to be done. The rule was simple enough; fill in the blank cells with the numbers 1-9 with a number not repeating in each column, row or 3x3 grid. That was when a bit of logic was required.

I guess I picked up on it when I managed to successfully help my mother solve that puzzle and asked if I could do one on my own. That piqued my interest to an extent that I eventually began spolving numerous puzzles in the span of an hour or two.

It was addicting, if one came to really think about it in that manner. The accomplishment of besting the puzzle by logically finding the exact place where a particular number was to be placed heightened as the puzzles got more difficult.

When my grandfather was sending things back home via balikbayan box, I would always ask him to find my some Sudoku books to work on, and without fail, he delivered. I've found myself completing so many Sudoku puzzles because of the many books he's managed to send over.

The leisure time spent in solving a puzzle was one of the things I would turn to when there wasn't anything else to pass the time with. At times, I would challenge myself by solving more advanced Sudoku puzzles the likes of Samurai Sudoku, with 5 intertwined Sudoku puzzles and the rules still apply for each 9x9 grid.

Just thinking about it is making me want to do one right now. And I will. See you all for another blog entry another time.

Returning to Poetry

Allow me to share one of my favorite pieces of poetry that I've come to compose a few years ago. I've laid down my poetry pen for quite some time now and my repertoire of poems has not increased too much since then. Perhaps now that I've acquired some more topics to write about, I'll start writing again.

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Just Another Night

Forevever engrossed in the vase expanse,

that which a million stars shine down upon us.

Lying under this warm sight,

a little boy came upon the Earth.

And it was in that moment,

that the world stayed still.

Forever lost under this sky,

the years passed, its face changing constantly.

Until we came to see,

these same bright starts that survived time and space.

The boy grew up, and his life was claimed

by the God whose will was then fulfilled.

Today, our kind looks up at these stars,

Pondering merely on their intricate designs.

But what makes the stars so perfect to gaze upon?
To admire and sink deeper in meaning?

Here we are, just another night,

of star gazing to our heart's content.

Originally posted [here]

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For more of my selected poems (and songs), you can visit my deviantArt account. The collection of Poetry I've composed are found [here]. Just navigate your way around if you want to view the rest of my gallery.

Back then, writing poems was something that turned into a little hobby of mine back in 2005 if memory serves me correctly. I had written my very first free-verse poem shortly after watching Kingdom of Heaven starring Orlando Bloom, Liam Neeson and David Thewlis. Later on, I decided to put my talent to use by composing poems out of leisure and eventually as a means of dedication to people, most of whom were my high school teachers. It was what I gave them as a my little token of appreciation for them when Teacher's Day came along.

It's nostalgic just thinking about it...

When I come up with new poems, I'll be sure to let you all know. But for now, I really need to get to bed. Good mornight, everybody.

The First Post

To be honest, I don't really understand why I felt the need to start another blog. I guess I just felt that I needed a space to let out the energy that I've kept contained inside of me for the longest time. Topics that could be as general as expounding on a certain idea, or as personal as an experience or a deep reflection on something. Hence the title of my blog: soliloquy.

Befitting, don't you think?

Now, while I would very much like to kick-start this new blog of mine with a light topic, alas, I do not have present materials for a blog that would fall under said category. So... I suppose you - people who somehow come across this blog - would all have to make do with what I have to share.

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It takes more than just simple chatter to grow close to someone. Over time, when you're able to converse with them a bit more, you get to learn more about them, become more comfortable in their company, learn to trust them and consider them a friend. And because you consider them a friend, they start to grow attached to you and you develop feelings of worry or concern for them whenever they're showing signs of sadness. Because you consider them a friend, you start to try making them a part of your life.

Such is... or was... my case.

Nightly chats with someone for at least 3-4 hours during the past few months produces such closeness to someone. It was quite ironic that this person and I never once met each other in person unless it was by accident or unavoidable circumstance (Don't worry, this person and I got acquainted through my girlfriend - yes, girlfriend - at the start of the year, so it's not as though I randomly met this person off the internet.), but all the same, it was always something to look forward to.

It was interesting to see how things had developed through the past months. It's funny really how this person started off as being my teacher for a particular subject that involved relationships (which I would rather leave unexpounded). Even back then, we were still chatting on a nightly basis. When I had somehow 'graduated' from that class, we went on to regard one another in the master/apprentice fashion because I would not deny the fact that through those lessons, I had somehow taken away a few defining characteristics that resembled this person's personality.

It didn't take long before we came to regard one another as a parent and child... A father and his son, to be more specific (by my mentioning this, it would give you an idea of the gender of the person I keep speaking of). Now, I know you're all wondering why I mentioned myself a 'son' when I'm actually a girl. Well, to be honest, I guess the whole fact that I was with a girlfriend, this person wanted to regard me more as a son than a daughter. Not that I found myself complaining.

I guess you could say I was so keen on the idea of this platonic father-son relationship between him and I that I didn't resent the idea, but wanted to bask in it for as long as I possibly could. Now that he and I regarded one another as a father and son, there was just a light feeling of mutual happiness and bliss during our evening chats that even the rituals of bidding good night was something to look forward to. In a way, I felt safe.

The best thing I ever got out of this father-son relationship with him were his bedtime stories. Like a true caring father, he went out of his way to make up a few stories for me that even until now, I could recall every single one. The first ever story he told me was in the plot of Prince of Tennis. The stories that followed, were, by my request, stories involving the virtual family he and I shared, which had grown up until this past April or May. The stories piled up one after the other, but I wouldn't be one to deny that with every story, there was a lingering theme that was present 80% of the time. Out of the 10 stories he had told me, 8 of them spoke of a father-son relationship that would not be overlooked. After all, the characters in the stories were real people linked together by their viritual families.

Looking back on them, I guess I can pinpoint one story that will always stick with me the most: the vampire plot.

A mansion where a father and his son lived. In the midst of a storm, a traveler and his younger sister come knocking, seeking shelter. The son allows them in on the condition that they not wander around. The girl, curious as she was, sneaks out on her brother and explores the mansion and gets lost. She enters the boy's room and makes her way out after a quick apology only to have the boy stop her and advance on her. As he has her pinned down on the bed and is about to bite the girl's neck, the voice of his father stops him and he moves away. It is revealed that the boy was turned into a vampire and his father has locked himself in the mansion figuring out a way to return him to his original self. The next day, a vampire hunter arrives to try and kill the vampire. The girl protects the boy, and by the power of love, the boy returns to normal and the story ends with the traveler and his sister living with the father-son pair in the mansion to all live happy lives.

This story is my favorite among all the stories he had told me. I don't know why, but it just is. Whether it's the plot of the story or the way it was told, I couldn't tell. But this is the story that will stay with me forever.

Being genuinely happy with the situation... was all I ever felt. Not once did I consider the possibility that everything that was happening was just for show. I poured my heart out. I was honest with my feelings... My heart was at ease knowing that I had someone I could depend on. Whenever I was depressed, I would let him in and allow him to help me get through what was troubling me.

Day by day, that was our routine. We would chat for hours at a time every single day and would complain if we weren't allowed that time together. It was something I would look forward to, and not once did I regret it throughout that whole period. I acted as a son would to his father.

I never noticed that my girlfriend was silently suffering because of my frequent conversations with him. Or rather, I did but only did so much to compensate for that in my feeling of guilt. To be honest, there were so many times when she would indirectly point it out that he and I would often talk to each other about it to figure out some way to move around it. In short, we tried adjusting to how she was feeling with this whole idea but we only did so slightly.

Things kept piling up, and I would rather not publically put what happened in much detail anymore, only to say that from then on, there have been several rifts in my relationship as of late. These rifts have just proven to me time and again how mentally and emotionally unstable I actually am........... Which is why I try to divert from myself by worrying about other people or to engage myself in doing other things such as watch a TeniMyu (Prince of Tennis Musical), read online manga or record songs on the computer.

Lately when I get emotional, it takes a while for me to regain my right state of mind; oftentimes people have to virtually hit me via slapping or thwacking me with something to get the point across. Sometimes, people just have to shout via going all caps on me to wake me up from the depression stage that I get into. In a nutshell, I'm fragile. It takes a while for me to concretely form what I believe in and recover from something. It takes a while for me to fill the void space that was once filled with such happy memories for me to completely move on.

These days I've been trying to take two steps forward to move on. But while one foot has already made the first step, the other refuses to move and stays behind so long for me to have to reflect so much on everything around me. I had found happiness back then. And I lost it. Whether it was the decisions that I made or that I was led to this unhappy outcome is something beyond my control. I know that this time... I want to be a better person. This time, I want to make someone be proud of what I do. This time, I want to help not just myself, but other people move on from what hurts them the most.

This time... I want to master myself and my emotions. I want to face everything with an open mind and heart and get through these stormy seas to hopefully find myself in calm waters once more. And I strongly believe that that time will surely come.

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EDIT: It's funny how I'm applying a few things he's told me to do when it comes to moving on. You notice I've been using past tense a few times when I refer to the relationship (at least the relationship that went out of line, causing rifts in my relationship to form) I shared with him. The reason for that is simple. I made a decision. And in making that decision, I want to move on from it without having to turn back anymore.

Drifting away from that relationship is the best, even if it hurts. At least, this way, we can both continue forward without having to hinder each other from attaining that which makes us happy. I'm ready to take the two steps forward I need to make with my head held high.

Of course, I will always be open to conversation. I can always be reached.... in the same way we've been communicating with one another. ^___________^

As I am sure you are all curious, I am still with my girlfriend and our 7th monthsary had just passed roughly half an hour ago as of this post.

^____________________^b

With this, I bid a good mornight to one and all.