Genkaku

幻覚。（げんかく）Genkaku. trans. Hallucination.

The first time I heard of the song 'Hallucination' by Matsushita Yuya (who I consider my other self), it evoked quite a spur of emotions from me. This haunting ballad, I've come to realize, has become a background song for several events in my life. Just what I should expect.

To expound on the whole concept of the hallucination, perhaps, would best be described by giving you a reason for the urge of composing an entry this late into the evening. Sadly, I cannot blame insomnia. I had already shut down my laptop in retirement about an hour prior to this reboot.

The room was nearly pitch black, were it not for the corner streetlight shining dimly through the sole window. The silent humming of the electric fan swaying back and forth, as well as the noises of the traffic being carried by the wind were the only sounds to be heard.

With eyes closed, the cogs of her inner mind begin to turn in thought of a possible dream to be had upon entering the realm of sleep. Various possibilities comes to mind; but as each possibility surfaced, ill thoughts stashed away in the back of her mind also re-surfaced. Until finally, tears gush out from both eyes, slowly trailing down the sides of the youth's face. Teeth clenching, the youth quickly grabs a set of dog plushies closest to her for comfort - three different kinds. She holds them close as her mind continues to throb.

The ability to hear, see and feel things far away from you. A silent wish to feel comforted by a hug provided by her beloved in spite of her physical absence... A silent wish...... for true happiness.

When do dreams....hallucinations cross over into reality? When will hoping for something amount to their wish coming true? How long should one continue to hope for it?

The emotionally unstable finds herself in tears at these thoughts. But the overflowing love that she feels from both her beloved and her virtual family reassure her; allow her to endure the few hours of sleep she would soon be succumbing herself to. The love that she knows exists between her and her beloved is what puts her to bed with a soft smile etched on her lips. The thought of that, if not anything else, causes more tears to flow. But now, not of sadness, but of an indescribable feeling that somehow manages to calm her.

And slowly, the ill-mannered hallucinations that had once elicited so much doubt crawl back into the bowels of the darkness, allowing the youth to find a peaceful sleep to face the new and hopefully better day ahead.

......Third-person explanations seem to come out more dramatic than expected. So I shall leave it at that.