Today and Decisions

I only had one class today (just my 9-10:30 Theology class), but as I still had my Tennis Club to attend to tonight at 6:30pm (for this I blame the AHS varsity for reserving the tennis courts until that time. -___-), I was contemplating what to do with my time until then. Setting aside the fact that I have lunch with some of my blockmates, chill around for an hour or so before meeting with the core members for CompSAt's Tambay Week in 3 weeks' time.

Now I'm back at one of the few open labs to waste more time before I go and meet with Kai. I didn't really expect to be meeting her today due to her busy schedule (I mean, she already informed me the day before that she would be having a meeting for one of her classes until 6pm), but I guess circumstances change. I more than welcome the opportunity to meet up with her again for this week. ^___^

I feared that having so much time to myself, whether it was just walking around campus or staring blankly at the computer screen here in the open lab wondering what the hell to do/type, I would end up thinking about some unnecessary things. And... I guess I still did. *groans* I believe I already concluded to myself how emotionally unstable I can be as well, given the right... stimulus to cause such depression relapses, as a friend of mine termed it.

I don't think I ever forced myself to just stop talking with someone to resolve a problem. Normally, I had this mindset that no matter how much I loathed a person, I still had the least bit of courtesy to acknowledge them; to converse with them if it was possible. It was with this mindset that I can say that the quality of being friendly was something I righfully possessed.

However, regret is not something I can feel right now. I'm not living my life for just myself anymore. I'm living, making the choices I do because there is somebody else in my life now who I want to share happiness with; who I'd do anything for to assure that they were just as happy. Even if it meant sacrificing something like this, I'd do it. It's silly to recognize this only now... this far along... but if she trusts me... then I will not betray that trust by being selfish. I love her too much, now more than ever to second-guess the decisions I should be making to keep this relationship afloat for many more years.